Bella's Birthday
by Little Orange Frog
Summary: So me and my two best friends decide to visit Bella on her birthday. Lots of sugar and a shiny charge card included. And then we meet up with Jake. And guess what? We all have tazors! BH


Hi

**Hi! This story is in honor of Bella's Birthday, Sept. 13.**

**I hope you enjoy it!**

**(Yeah, I've already read Breaking Dawn, but Bella is human in this story; it makes it easier to subject her to our cruelty)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Twilight Saga…because if I did, Bella would not be Edward's girlfriend….I would be!**

**Nor do I own Free Credit Report –dot- Com**

**(I also don't own an I-Pod.)**

_Sept. 10 _

_10:00 pm._

_Toni's House_

**TPOV**

"OMG! I just realized something!" I screamed as I sat up abruptly. "It's September 10! That means Bella's birthday is in like three days!" Meg and Alwyn looked at me in confusion for a brief moment before recognition crossed their faces.

"Well you know what this means!" Meg said excitedly. Alwyn nodded sleepily as I jumped to my feet, knocking pillows from the fort we had constructed on the living room floor in every direction.

"Alright. I'll get some paper and we can start planning. We can leave tonight and be in Forks by the Thirteenth if we hurry!" I took off towards my room then, bumping into the couch and running into the wall twice on my way. I searched madly through my desk drawers until I found pen and paper and my car keys. As I reentered the living room I saw Meg had already gotten the backpacks from the hall closet and Alwyn was unplugging our cell phones from where they were charging. I sat down on the couch and looked at them expectantly.

"We'll need at least a two weeks worth of clothes, just in case," Meg began and I hurried to scribble down her words.

"We'll also need a bottle of shampoo, and our toothbrushes." Alwyn spoke with out looking up from her work of organizing our electronics. "Some allergy meds, some Tylenol, and a case of bottled water." I took notes diligently as they continued, adding my two bits whenever I thought necessary. We finally decided to pack the following list after multiple revisions:

_Toothbrushes and Toothpaste_

_Hairbrush_

_Shampoo_

_Enough Clothes for Two Weeks_

_Laptops, I-Pods, Cell Phones, etc._

_Copy of Twilight_

_Army of Plush Fuzzy Bunnies_

_Blender_

_Curling Iron_

_Tazor(s)_

_Lawn Mower_

_Case of Bottled Water_

_6 Boxes of Granola Bars_

_Extra Pair of Shoes each_

We then rushed to stuff our clothes and toiletries into the backpacks and load everything else into the car. After we were dressed I grabbed my Channel sunglasses (Alice would be proud) and headed out the door. I put the car in drive before my friends were even buckled in and I heard someone's head smack against the window as I sped around a corner.

"We need to stop by Wal-Mart on the way out of town," I stated as their heads simultaneously hit the windows yet again.

"Why do we need to stop by Wally-World?" Alwyn asked, rubbing her temple. I smiled apologetically before I answered.

"We need to pick up the bottled water and some food before we go. Also, a new CD might be a good idea." She smiled and looked out the window.

"I wanna get Within Temptation's new CD." Meg said suddenly. Alwyn's eyebrows shot up and I new what her answer to that would be before it was even out of her mouth.

"Na-uh! I wanna get Fall Out Boy's new CD!" she protested. I started laughing; they had this conversation every time we went on a road trip. Tradition called for a new CD and Coca-Cola. Reason called for a good night's sleep and an old CD. We usually went with Tradition.

"I vote we get Panic! At The Disco's new CD since it's my charge card." I interrupted. They both sighed.

"But you ALWAYS get to chose the new CD we get!" Meg whined, while Alwyn tried her hand at Puppy-Dog-Eyes. Neither worked.

"The key words would be _my charge card_." Answered as I tried to stifle my laugh. I knew I always chose the new CD, but hey, my car, my charge card, my choice. They would get over it. I have and excellent taste in music and they both had I-Pods.

I pulled into the nearest parking space and got out of the car. They followed suit and I locked the car doors behind us. As we entered the store the lady that stands by the door, handing out stickers to little kids smiled at us warily. People knew us here. We were lucky to be allowed in the store, especially after the Barbie Girl incident. I smiled back and waved before grabbing the handles of a near-by shopping cart and taking off down the aisle. I caught up to my friends quickly and we started walking in the direction of the packaged food. We always ate healthy no matter what. I stuck to the four main food groups and made sure they did the same.

"Okay ya'll, we'll need some Cool Whip, French Fries, Chocolate, and caffeine. Also, I wouldn't mind some gummy worms." I said as I pushed the cart around the store. We hefted a case of water into the buggy and continued piling unnecessary crap in with it. I snatched up Panic! At the Disco's new CD, Pretty. Odd., as we passed the display. They rolled their eyes as I did so, but I didn't care. Panic! At the Disco was an awesome band whose music was awesome, no matter what _they_ say. The kid at the cash register was so slow it was almost painful. He was probably thinking about the teenage girl at the other cash register who was staring back at him. It made me wanna throw up.

Then the lady in front of us was all "But this item was marked down!" and it took so long that I was thoroughly annoyed by the time the idiot cashier had gotten to us. I secretly wondered about tazoring him, but decided there were too many witnesses. I started unloading the buggy: box of fortune cookies, peeps, new CD, chocolate glazed donoughts, orange soda, Cool Whip, frozen french-fries, un-frozen french-fries, Monster Energy Drinks in like three flavors, bottle of glue, pack of crayons, singing birthday card, new I-Pod ear buds, purple flip-flops, gummy worms, granola bars, bottled water, extra Tazor batteries, Tylenol, shiny pennies that cost a quarter each (yeah, Wal-Mart will take any excuse to rip off ignorant teens with too much cash), box of chocolate, bag of clothes pins, hair scrunchies, and a partridge in a pear tree. I sighed as I loaded the Coca-Cola onto the check out belt-thing and pushed the buggy out of my way. Taking my charge card from my wallet I swiped it quickly and signed the receipt. Then I let the cute guy who was bagging our groceries push the cart to our car and unload it into our trunk. I climbed into the drivers' seat and saw Meg fluttering her eyelashes at him in the rearview mirror. I rolled my eyes. He was cute but he wasn't a vampire. They climbed into the back then and we passed out the caffeinated drinks. I turned in my seat to look at them as we all clinked our bottles together.

"To another road trip," I stated.  
"Yay Coca-Cola!" they practically screamed at me.

"Yay Coca-Cola!" I answered and we were off. The dark pavement sped away under the tires as I steered us up the interstate. I put the new CD into the CD player and relaxed me shoulders. It was going to be a long ride. Alwyn and Meg were munching down donoughts and slurping Coke, chatting excitedly as they contemplated what our first move would be once we got there and who got shotgun at the next stop. They both new they would be sitting in the back 'cause they could never agree on who got shotgun first, so whatever. The lights of Sacramento whirred by the windows as we sped down the busy interstate.

_Midnight_

_Sept. 11_

_I-5 N_

Alwyn chugged down another energy drink and tossed the can up into the front seat where a collection of thrash was forming.

"Ya'll better get all these candy wrappers and Coke bottles outta my car or you'll be scrubbing the tires with toothbrushes." I threatened idly, staring at the road. Alwyn laughed, obviously on sugar high.

"Yeah right. You're the one who keeps eating all the donoughts!" Meg laughed from behind me slurping some Dr. Pepper. I laughed too. Yeah, we were all on sugar high.

"Can I have some more gummy worms?" Alwyn asked, jamming her sunglasses over her eyes. I took my sunglasses then and jammed 'em over my eyes; Meg waited just a second after me to retrieve hers from her bag.

"Where are the gummy worms?" Alwyn asked again. I threw the bag at her from the front seat where I was stashing all my favorite snacks. I knew they would eat 'em all before me if I didn't hide some away.

"Hey Toni?" Meg asked as she and Alwyn munched down my gummy worms. "Are you doing that weird pack-rat thing with our food?" I busted out laughing and tears started rolling down my eyes.

"Yeah, Meg." I answered still laughing. Now they were laughing too. Then Alwyn whipped out her cell phone and we started prank calling people. We called all the people on her contact list and then we started dialing random numbers. We finally stopped after the one guy cussed us out. He obviously didn't know how to take a sugar-high joke. That's when the sugar-crash started to give us a headache. Alwyn laid her head back on the seat and Meg started hitting her head against the window. Then we started laughing again.

_2:00 AM_

_Sept. 11_

_I-5 N (passing through Oregon)_

"Are we there yet?" Alwyn asked sleepily. "I wanna stop and get some food. We ate all the gummy worms." Meg looked up then and smiled.

"It was a five pound bag." I started laughing and then realized that nothing was really funny. That made me laugh harder. Pretty soon we were all laughing as I pulled the car into an empty McDonald's. We all got outta the car and made our way across the empty parking lot. That's when I saw the creepy shadow. I yanked out my tazor and looked around suspiciously.

"Meg, Alwyn" I said softly between clenched teeth. "Don't go in the door. Go that way, over by that dark alleyway and get your tazors." They looked at me like I was crazy, but did as I asked. As soon as we were near the shadows a creepy figure stepped out in front of us and stopped. I thrust my tazor at whatever it was hoping to scare it off. I feeling it wasn't quite human, but I wasn't sure so I didn't say anything. Then it spoke.

"Hello." The sound sent shivers up my arm, but recognition and relief washed through me.

"Josef, you idiot! What are you trying to do? Get yourself tazored?" he laughed as I we put our tazors back up. Josef was a vampire who lived in Sacramento. He had attended several fan-girl conventions in the past, mostly by force, and he was a distant friend of Mick St. John (Moonlight). Alwyn shook her head and headed back towards the door of the fast-food joint. I held back a laugh and followed her when I saw Meg start batting her eyes.

"See you later Meg. Bye Josef." I called over my shoulder. After a while Meg came inside too and we all got something to eat. As Meg sat down with her chicken biscuit and Coke I threw a pointed glance at her.

"So Meg," I began. "What did Josef want?" she smiled slyly and Alwyn turned to look at her, accusations in her eyes.

"He wanted to talk." She said evasively.

"And why was he in Oregon?" Alwyn asked.

"Because he was expanding his hunting range."

"Would that be his range of girlfriends?" Alwyn asked quietly, causing me to laugh. Meg just crossed her arms and lifted he chin up.

"Spill Meg, or I'll call Josef and ask him myself." Alarm flashed in her eyes briefly, but she shook it off almost simultaneously.

"Do you have his number?" she countered.

"Um, no."

"Alright this is what happened. He said he's been hanging in around Oregon lately because they kicked him out of the strip clubs in California." Me and Alwyn started laughing then.

"You have got to be kidding. You were flirting with a guy who goes to strip clubs? Your mother would be appalled!" I scolded playfully. She smiled and continued.

"I chewed him out for a sec but then he told me my hair was pretty. So I gave him my number." She concluded. I looked at Alwyn and Alwyn looked at me, then we busted out in laughter again.

"You think its sooooo funny. Just wait till we see Edward and Jasper tomorrow." She said grinning. That shut us up pretty quick. She was right. If there was no possibility of being killed by vengeful vampires, Alice and Bella would have disappeared a long time ago. We finished our snack pretty quickly and then we hit the road again.

"We should be out of Oregon and into Washington in just over nine hours." I said as we climbed back into the car. They both sighed and went back to arguing over who would get shotgun next.

_4:00 AM_

_Sept. 11_

_I-5 N (passing through Oregon)_

"Hey Toni," Meg asked. "Can I drive?"

"No Meg, you can drive Edward's Volvo tomorrow." I said. Again.

"Why?" Meg asked. Again.

"Because you're not insured to drive my car," I answered. Again.

"What if I-"

"No."

"What if you-"

"No."

"Can I at least-"

"No." I loved Meg (in a healthy way) to death, but she sure was stubborn. She was quiet for a while; I figured she had fallen asleep like Alwyn.

"You look sorta sleepy. Maybe you should let me drive." Meg said. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Meg, you cannot drive my car. If you wreck it, I will have to tazor you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'm going to sleep now. Do you think maybe later I could drive?"

"No, Meg. Good Night."

_6:00 AM_

_Sept. 11_

_I-5 N (passing through Oregon)_

"Can we stop somewhere for breakfast?" Alwyn asked as she shoved the now-empty bag of un-frozen french-fries under the seat.

"Yeah, my clothes are all wrinkly." Meg added.

"Alright," I replied sleepily. I was tired and we needed to restock our caffeine supply. "We can stop at the next Seven-Eleven, get something to eat, get some more Coke, and change clothes in the bathroom there. They nodded in reply.

_8:00 AM_

_Sept. 11_

_I-5 N (passing through Oregon…STILL)_

"Oh My Flippin' Gosh!" I exclaimed as we neared the first exit in two hours!

"Finally!" Meg said as I pulled the car up to the gas pump in front of the Seven–Eleven.

"I get to change clothes first!" Alwyn screamed jumping out of the car before it had stopped moving. We had been in the car without any stops for the last six hours. I jumped up and down on the pavement trying to get the blood flow back in my feet. We still had four more hours to ride, assuming we wouldn't get stuck in traffic. Alwyn had snatched her bag from the trunk and was hurrying inside to the girls' bathroom. I filled the gas tank up and went inside to pay. The tiny Seven-Eleven was hot and it smelled like cigarettes. I payed for the gas, holding my breath and breathing as little as possible. The fat lady behind the counter took my card and scanned it in the little machine. Then she scanned it again, and again.

"Wait a minute lady! You only need to scan my card once!" I cried, trying unsuccessfully to grab it from her hand.

"It didn't go through," she replied as miles of receipts rolled off the ugly green counter and onto the floor.

"Gimme my card back lady!" I yelled, yanking on her wrist.

"No, it didn't go through. I have to scan it again," she said smiling.

"Gimme my flippin' charge card before I call the cops!" I screeched taking it from her hand.

"But it didn't go through ma'am." She said frowning. "Can I see your card please?"

"No! Now gimme those receipts!" I screamed in her face. I was seriously irritated.

"I'm sorry, you can't have the receipts. I have to keep them." She said smiling. I ripped the receipts off the counter and wadded them up in my hand. She had charged me like ten times the amount I was supposed to pay!

"Ma'am, can I see your card again please?" She asked holding out her hand.

"NO! YOU MAY NOT HOLD MY CARD AGAIN! YOU CHARGED ME LIKE TEN TIMES THE PRICE!" I shouted.

"Well you can't take all those receipts with you. I need to keep them here." She replied. That was it!

"NO! I WILL KEEP THE RECEIPTS! YOU MAY NOT HAVE MY CARD! AND YOU'LL BE LUCKY IF I DON'T SUE YOU FOR FRAUD!" I shrieked, exasperated.

"Alwyn, Meg, we are leaving!" I called behind me as I stormed out of the small convenience store. Ha! I was gonna sue for a million dollars and have her locked up in a dark cave somewhere for the rest of her days! Alwyn and Meg followed behind me confused as I climbed back into my Kia.

"Aren't you gonna change clothes?" Alwyn asked, tilting her head to the side ever so slightly.

"No." I answered. And then we were racing across the black pavement of the interstate again.

_10:00 AM_

_Sept. 11_

_I-5 N (passing through Oregon…STILL…WE WILL NEVER TAKE THIS ROUTE AGAIN!)_

"When are we gonna get outta Oregon?" Meg asked from the back seat. She was watching music videos on her laptop.

"Another two hours at least," I answered after a moment.

"Let's sing the Free Credit Report –dot- Com song!" Meg said suddenly. I laughed. Karaoke was like the best thing since Energy Drinks.

"_Well I was shopping for a new car, Which one's me?_

_Kool convertible or and SUV?_

_Too bad I didn't know my credit was wacked, Now I'm driving off the lot in a Used-Sub-Compact._

_F-R-E-E _

_That spells FREE Credit Report –dot- Com baby._

_Saw their add on my TV, Thought about going but was too lazy!_

_Now instead of looking fly, and rolling phat,_

_My legs are sticking to the vinyl and my posse's getting laughed at._

_F-R-E-E _

_That spells FREE Credit Report –dot- Com baby!"_

We sang loudly. Alwyn woke up then, so we sang it again.

"How about we sing the Pirate Song?" Alwyn asked.

"_They say you should always dress for the job you want, _

_So why 'm I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant?_

_It's all because some hacker stole my identity,_

_Now I'm in here every evening serving chowder and ice-tea._

_Shoulda gone to_

_Free Credit Report -dot- Com_

_Shoulda seen this coming at me like an atom bomb._

_They monitor your credit and send you email alerts,_

_So you don't end up selling fish to tourists in t-shirts!"_

We were almost doubled over with laughter when we had finished singing it for the third time.

_12:00 pm_

_Sept. 11_

_US- 12 W, EXIT 88B, toward Aberdeen (no longer passing though Oregon)_

"Wooohoooo!" I screamed as we turned onto the exit. "We are OFFICIALLY out of Oregon!"

""Thank goodness!" Alwyn cried as Meg clapped her hands.

"We'll be to Forks in about an hour," I said excitedly as green trees started to pass by the windows. We turned onto HWY 99 SW and I shoved my Coldplay CD into the CD player. Their song Violet Hill filled the car.

Within the next hour we were within Forks' "city limits". We passed the high school, and the hospital. La Push lay to the west and I made a mental note to remember to stop their before we left. I turned the car onto Olympic Drive and pulled up to the hotel; a cluster of drab gray buildings. We got outta the car and found the front office, where we got a room with two beds and a couch, a balcony, and a kitchenette. I was so relieved that they had high speed internet; I would have died with out my computer. The hotel wasn't far from the reservation either, which would make antagonizing a certain werewolf that I happened to hate a lot easier.

"What a pretty view," Alwyn said as we entered the room.

"Yeah, but the paint job on the building could use some work," Meg answered with a laugh. I smiled in agreement and sat down on the couch. Taking my laptop from my bag, I opened up the internet and logged on to my email account. I had like 30 emails in my spam file and I deleted them quickly. I picked up the silver disc carefully and placed it into the slot on the side of my computer. I then opened Media Flash Player and hit the burn button. The blank CD would be key in Bella's Birthday Celebration tomorrow.

When the music had been downloaded, I slipped it into the clear sleeve and jammed it back in my bag along with the computer. Standing up, I slung the bag over my shoulder and grabbed our hotel room's key off the coffee table. Alwyn and Meg grabbed their totes and then we were back in the car.

We drove to La Push with Buckcherry's music blaring in our ears. When we got to Jake's house I pulled up by the garage and got out. I walked up to the front door and knocked lightly. If they wouldn't let me in, I was pretty sure I was close enough to the wolves that Alice wouldn't be able to see me…

"Who are you?" Jake asked as he opened the door.

"I'm the girl that's going to tazor you if you don't let me in the house." I said sweetly. Alwyn and Meg each geld tazors in their hands to emphasize my point.

**Hi!**

**I know it's a little bit of a cliffy, but I didn't remember Bella's birthday till like 3 days ago **

**and I've been super busy. I'm in the band and we had an away game**

**last night. I didn't get home till like 5:00 this morning, so yeah.**

**Anyway, I hope you like it, even if it is a little late.**

**Thanx for reading! Please review if you love me, or Twilight!**

**(and everybody loves me, so please review!)**


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